Hannah, you know you've loved. And you are so loved, you know that. Me and Em love you and we miss you. As I've said before. I know now, if you're reading this while you're numb, you aren't going to care. i'd scoff if i was you, at this pitiful attempt to try and make you feel again. I know, for me, nothing could make me feel, except for that one exception which i did try one day before i was going to run away(But mom stopped me and made me come inside! she didn't even talk to me, just said where are you going? get back in the house)i shouldn't have done it. you know what i'm talking about, and dont you DARE do it. Or try it. if you're numb and reading this, these next words won't impact you. read this next time you're vulnerable maybe. if you can still be vulnerable? i rarely could. but, my 'shock' out of it was love. not human, imperfect, wavering, feeble love. you know Whose love I speak of. And I have no right for Him to love me, but the fact remains that he does. Even though I keep messing up. And He loves you more than anyone could ever know. Never forget that, because love is the most important thing. I think it is. I lost the will to live when i refused to believe it existed and wasn't shown it by my physical surroundings. Hannah, what /are/ comparisons? You and Sarah are built differently. Don't listen to your dad. Listen to your Father. I'm trying to do the same. I think, also, you should become friends with this boy. There's something special about him, don't loose him, please. Be his friend. Please Hannah, he's special I just feel like he is. I can't say why, but there's something about him, even though you didn't really say much about him, he showed through. Please don't let him slip through the cracks. We know what it's like to feel forgotten. And if Sarah isn't careful, she could drive someone to suicide. But what can I say about that? All of us could do that. Whether we know or try or not. Please, whatever you do, however hopeless life as you perceive it now is, don't give up. I'm starting to think numbness is kinda like living suicide. You're basically dead. So, awaken. The Father is there. With you. In the room. Open arms. Run to him. If you can't run, crawl. If you cannot move, ask him to go to you. Don't you or anyone else ever say that they cannot love God. God created us to love Him, that makes me pretty sure we're capable of it. However you perceive these words, pray. Find something. I had nothing to latch my life onto until God gave me a wake up call. I latched my life to Him then. That day, that week, was great. I lived for Him. Now, life swamped me with other things I also like and have latched to. I'm just trying to not be too attached to anything material, and any other attachments, well, I can never let them be as strong as my one to God. Better yet, my attachment to God should grow over them, increasing in strength every day. That would be perfect. But I am not perfect. I am broken and bruised and sometimes I think unfixable and unwanted and I just want to die. Stop my feeble, worthless existance. But then God picks me up, and shows me that I can be strong if I love and worship and have faith in Him. Please Hannah. We all need deeper roots. Don't stop yours from growing. Or whithering. Usually it's you talking like this to me. You have a purpose. If you can't see it yet, well, that is really too bad. You have a gift to connect with people! I've said it before, because it is so true! People open themselves to you. You can talk to people. But it helps if you are friendly and feel. Also, you're thinking about yourself too much again. I know, I cannot be talking here, cuz I do it all the time, but as you've told me, we can't focus on ourselves. It depresses us. At the time I tried to ignore you. But it was true, and I remembered it. C'mon Hannah, you can love. You can feel every emotion. You know that you can, now it's just /will/ you. Don't do it for me, I don't think I'm enough to shock you out of it, but have a deep discussion with God. Please. You may not want to talk to Him, I didn't, but I got it out and He corrected me and hugged me and I broke down completely, crying, you know I don't cry, but I felt His love again. I can't really say anything more. I love you though. :) ~TARA
And, don't hate your parents. I don't really know your dad. But your mom loves you deeply. You can see it on her face, in her eyes. It's there, and it's powerful, for all of you kids. And, a correction on the previous comment, I meant stop your roots from withering. but i'm sure you caught that. God bless ~TARA
2 comments:
Hannah, you know you've loved. And you are so loved, you know that. Me and Em love you and we miss you. As I've said before. I know now, if you're reading this while you're numb, you aren't going to care. i'd scoff if i was you, at this pitiful attempt to try and make you feel again. I know, for me, nothing could make me feel, except for that one exception which i did try one day before i was going to run away(But mom stopped me and made me come inside! she didn't even talk to me, just said where are you going? get back in the house)i shouldn't have done it. you know what i'm talking about, and dont you DARE do it. Or try it. if you're numb and reading this, these next words won't impact you. read this next time you're vulnerable maybe. if you can still be vulnerable? i rarely could. but, my 'shock' out of it was love. not human, imperfect, wavering, feeble love. you know Whose love I speak of. And I have no right for Him to love me, but the fact remains that he does. Even though I keep messing up. And He loves you more than anyone could ever know. Never forget that, because love is the most important thing. I think it is. I lost the will to live when i refused to believe it existed and wasn't shown it by my physical surroundings. Hannah, what /are/ comparisons? You and Sarah are built differently. Don't listen to your dad. Listen to your Father. I'm trying to do the same. I think, also, you should become friends with this boy. There's something special about him, don't loose him, please. Be his friend. Please Hannah, he's special I just feel like he is. I can't say why, but there's something about him, even though you didn't really say much about him, he showed through. Please don't let him slip through the cracks. We know what it's like to feel forgotten. And if Sarah isn't careful, she could drive someone to suicide. But what can I say about that? All of us could do that. Whether we know or try or not.
Please, whatever you do, however hopeless life as you perceive it now is, don't give up. I'm starting to think numbness is kinda like living suicide. You're basically dead. So, awaken. The Father is there. With you. In the room. Open arms. Run to him. If you can't run, crawl. If you cannot move, ask him to go to you. Don't you or anyone else ever say that they cannot love God. God created us to love Him, that makes me pretty sure we're capable of it.
However you perceive these words, pray. Find something. I had nothing to latch my life onto until God gave me a wake up call. I latched my life to Him then. That day, that week, was great. I lived for Him. Now, life swamped me with other things I also like and have latched to. I'm just trying to not be too attached to anything material, and any other attachments, well, I can never let them be as strong as my one to God. Better yet, my attachment to God should grow over them, increasing in strength every day. That would be perfect. But I am not perfect. I am broken and bruised and sometimes I think unfixable and unwanted and I just want to die. Stop my feeble, worthless existance. But then God picks me up, and shows me that I can be strong if I love and worship and have faith in Him.
Please Hannah.
We all need deeper roots. Don't stop yours from growing. Or whithering. Usually it's you talking like this to me. You have a purpose. If you can't see it yet, well, that is really too bad. You have a gift to connect with people! I've said it before, because it is so true! People open themselves to you. You can talk to people. But it helps if you are friendly and feel. Also, you're thinking about yourself too much again. I know, I cannot be talking here, cuz I do it all the time, but as you've told me, we can't focus on ourselves. It depresses us. At the time I tried to ignore you. But it was true, and I remembered it.
C'mon Hannah, you can love. You can feel every emotion. You know that you can, now it's just /will/ you. Don't do it for me, I don't think I'm enough to shock you out of it, but have a deep discussion with God. Please. You may not want to talk to Him, I didn't, but I got it out and He corrected me and hugged me and I broke down completely, crying, you know I don't cry, but I felt His love again.
I can't really say anything more.
I love you though. :)
~TARA
And, don't hate your parents. I don't really know your dad. But your mom loves you deeply. You can see it on her face, in her eyes. It's there, and it's powerful, for all of you kids.
And, a correction on the previous comment, I meant stop your roots from withering. but i'm sure you caught that.
God bless
~TARA
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